elle cuardaigh

Adoption is not a miracle


mir·a·cle: An extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. (dictionary.com)

Are we clear on this? Miracles are from God alone and cannot be explained by human reasoning. Some miracles mentioned in the bible, in no particular order:

In the Old Testament, God executed miracles through the prophets. In the New Testament, disciples of Christ performed miracles in Jesus’ name. Nowhere does it say, “And Mordecai adopted his cousin Esther and raised her as his daughter, and it was a miracle.” Or, “And the pharaoh’s daughter named the baby Moses, and took him as her own, and it was a miracle, because he was a Hebrew slave and she was an Egyptian princess.” Not even, “And by a miracle, God gave us the spirit of adoption, so we are brothers and sisters in Christ.”

When it’s a miracle, you know. Telltale signs are talking shrubs on fire that do not burn up, your donkey suddenly being able to speak, or the heavenly host appearing in the sky singing God’s praises.

If there is nothing even remotely supernatural about it, it’s not a miracle. No matter how wonderful you think it is, God did not do it. God did not “put the baby in the wrong mommy’s tummy” and predestine you to have that child. You did that, with the help of an adoption agency, for money.

What’s wrong with calling it a miracle? Why can’t I just be nice about it? Because I don’t like cheapening God. Calling man-made adoption a miracle is trying to pass it off as God-ordained. That is a lie. And if I recall correctly, God hates lies.

I also do not like messing with little kids’ heads. Making them think they were created to fulfill their adoptive parents’ needs/desires/prayers is sick. These are human beings with biological ties to other people, possibly other cultures, but so many Christians turn a blind eye. They play “White Savior”, willingly believing whatever story is spun. (“She was left on the side of the road in a cardboard box.” – “His mother died at birth.” – “They’re languishing in an orphanage.”) They are determined to “grow their family through adoption,” saying God called them. They have fundraisers to “bring our child home” complete with heartwarming web posts about how “their” child is already calling them Mommy and Daddy via Skype.

I am not saying these couples do not love these kids. Or that the adoptees do not grow to love their adoptive parents. I am saying: If adoption was so noble, you wouldn’t have to lie about it.

Tell the truth. You wanted a child, you found one (or two, or a dozen), either in some faraway land or locally, and you did whatever you had to do to make that child yours. That is not a miracle. That is the modern day adoption industry.

Elle Cuardaigh is author of The Tangled Red Thread