by Rich Uhrlaub, excerpt from ASRC post, “Wild Dogs in the Basement: The Enigmatic Male Adoptee”
The Logic of Compromised Attachment
I drink the poison so the rat will die.
My bare feet run on tacks to stop the race.
I etch my deepest secrets in the sky.
I break the mirror, looking for your face.
I trust, anticipating each betrayal.
I climb, because I heard you cut the rope.
I build, and then extract each screw and nail.
Despair is that lone thing that gives me hope.
I crave affection, acting like an eel.
I wear these manacles to set slaves free.
I live in rage to show the fear I feel.
I try to be ‘most anyone, but me.
I burn the map before I hunt for treasure.
Kind accolades confirm the crowd’s disdain.
This chaos brings familiar rest and pleasure.
I hop along, when I could ride the train.
I live alone to keep me safe from love.
I go bankrupt to thwart the IRS.
I freeze my hand because you bought the glove.
I answer “no” because you might say “yes.”
I educate this brain to beat my heart.
I let good food expire upon the shelf.
I feel the most together when apart.
I love my neighbor, as I loathe myself.
I kill this name because the law took mine.
I love to open gifts, then toss them out.
I celebrate sobriety with wine.
I am content, but only when I pout.
I fail because they want me to succeed.
I write, in hope that no one reads this rhyme.
I pray, believing God won’t meet my need.
I do the time for those who did the crime.