My Chosen Children

kristin-chenoweth_sc_768x1024Kristin Chenoweth
Voted “Most-Fogged Adoptee Celebrity” by clear-thinking adoptees everywhere

What do I have against Ms. Chenoweth? I admit that until I read her glowing commentary on adoption I had never heard of her. Apparently she is an award-winning actress, which is great – we need more artists. What is not great is her seemingly endless determination to make adoption not only as natural as birth, but actually superior to it.

On “Lion” and Adoption

Biggest Blessing of Them All

In both Huffington Post, um, posts, adoptees are referred to as “adopted children” no matter their age, the “g-word” (grateful) is directed toward the adoptive parents (hers were fantastic, sorry for yours), and of course: We were CHOSEN.

“I wasn’t Expected – I was Selected!” 

I have news for you, Kristin: My children were also chosen. The issues of my womb, of my own DNA.

I chose their father. I chose to become pregnant. I chose to continue the pregnancies. I chose how to give birth. And I chose to raise these children. You cannot get much more “chosen” than that. Trying to elevate adoption above biology to avoid facing the fact that adoption comes from loss is simply juvenile. Despite your damnable youthful appearance, you’re 48. It’s time you act like it. You’re not an adopted child, you’re an adult adoptee.

Elle Cuardaigh is author of The Tangled Red Thread

9 thoughts on “My Chosen Children

  1. I get so tired of the arguments about which is better: birth or adoption. Being told that you are a “chosen child” implies that natural-born children are somehow accidents their parents got stuck with. Ms. Chenoweth is 48, which puts her squarely in the Baby Scoop Era, when unwed mothers were routinely stripped of their babies. The “chosen child” epithet began then and, unfortunately, still lingers. 99.9% of adoptions occur because a couple or individual wants a child and can’t have one naturally for any number of reasons. My guess is that 99.8% of those adoptions would never have happened if pregnancy had been an option. Adoption is almost always (I didn’t say “always”) Plan B. Adoption is complex and shouldn’t be reduced to either/or, good or bad, but the fact remains: every adoption is the result of tragedy and loss. A mother loses her baby, a baby loses his heritage and genetic mirror, the adoptive parent loses the biological connection that is irreplaceable, and generations of the adoptee’s descendants lose their lineage. Each side of the adoption triad tries to defend the rightness of its own position, when what is needed is mutual recognition. Some children surely do need adoptive families, and the needs of the child should always come first, not the desires, however deeply felt, of those who would be parents. And adoptees should remember that if they had a happy family, not every adoptee did, nor should they forget that somewhere there was a woman who gave birth to and then lost her child. It’s doubtful she celebrated that loss and is much more likely to have suffered permanent emotional damage as a result of that severing of nature’s most essential bond.

    • Baby Scoop Era ends with Roe. Which means Chenoweth was 6yrs old when the BSE ended. I do understand the spirit of your statement. Love that you expressed the lifelong complicated grief mothers and lost children live with. Adoption is born of tragedy. Trust me I know.

  2. I agree with you and Page. I became aware of Kristin and her proclamations years ago and thought, geez, we don’t really need that right now – the time when adoptees were FINALLY getting their footing and voice and writing on blogs. I do wonder if Kristin would talk this way in person, if asked. Often they are acting, since they are actors.

  3. Agree…some adoptees are so traumatized that they can’t revisit the trauma. Instead they ignore it and find ways to cover it up. The anger always finds multiple way to express itself.

  4. It’s easy to speak like this if you have never met your own mother. One you see her, and realize that you have lived your life without her, you can never feel the same.
    No human being should grow up without their mother. It’s a sin against humanity, and nature.

    Sorry Kristen, it;s not good.

  5. A last thought. Steve Jobs Is another adoptee and public figure.
    Jobs opinion of adoption is the opposite of Kristen’s.
    I hope more people read the neurological studies such as “Trauma Attachment” by Allen N. Schorn; View Paul Sunderlund adoption lecture found on Utube, and also read Phyllis T. Stien, and Joshua C. Kendalls book “Psychological Trauma and the Developing Brain; Especially public policy makers.
    Kristen would have been better off saying nothing about being adopted.

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