Rethinking the “Angry Adoptee”

Rethinking the “Angry Adoptee”.

Thank you to “Red Thread Broken” (not to be confused with The Tangled Red Thread) for this post. It is something I get a lot, usually by people who want to shut me down. They don’t even realize that’s what they are doing. I express an opinion on a subject I feel passionate about, and if I show even the slightest bit of emotion, I get, “You really don’t need to be so angry.” They are uncomfortable because my speaking up makes them think about something they don’t want to face.

Sometimes you need to get angry. There are things worth getting angry about. Unethical adoption is one of them.

The writer’s answer to her cousin’s question, “Are you angry you were adopted?” could have been my own. No, I’m not angry I was adopted. But I am angry that adoption has become so twisted that it has turned into human trafficking. Big business instead of a rare legal matter.

Go back 150 years and substitute “slavery” for “adoption” and ask the question again.

“Are you angry you were enslaved?”
“Are you just one of those angry slaves?”
“You must have had a traumatic experience. I know lots of happy slaves.”
“Think of what your life would have been like if you had been left in Africa. You should be grateful.”

Yeah, really.

Elle Cuardaigh is author of The Tangled Red Thread.

7 thoughts on “Rethinking the “Angry Adoptee”

  1. Your words are so true of what so often happens. It gets twisted sometimes when the motives of the agencies and some but not all adoptive parents are pulled into a twisted system. I’m close to a family with shared time between birthfamily and adoptive family, and it is a relief to see that this can work when birthfamily can’t care for the child alone. In my adoptive family, even talking about birth parents was taboo. To keep all your feelings inside for 18 years is very twisted!

  2. Yes! You have the right to own your feelings. I completely agree with you that sometimes it is difficult for many of us to ‘feel’ outside of our comfort zone. Thank you for bringing attention to this timely and human matter. -patricia

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